Sara Barnes, Lead Mediator
Over this past year we have been building our Conflict Coaching service. MVMP has our own model called CLAMSHELL. In two hours of 1:1 coaching, participants can review a conflict scene, analyze many aspects of the conflict and develop a personalized plan for the future.
Who benefits from Conflict Coaching? Our clients are diverse. Some are:
a divorcing mom who wants to not shut down when dealing with her ex partner
a public official who wants be more effective when confronted with anger
a mother of the groom to who wants to better handle an upcoming family wedding
a wife who gets angry whenever she and her husband discuss an ongoing topic
a supervisor who finds herself reactive to the actions of a particular employee
These conflicts are the stuff of everyday life. Our clients come to us seeking self improvement. They work with a caring and qualified coach who leads them through the coaching protocol.
The CLAMSHELL letters stand for the steps that happen sequentially as the coach and client move through the conflict coaching process.
Clarify Goals
Listen to conflict story
Ask to understand
Map the internal & external
Survey mutuality
Heartcheck & Reflect
Explore Options & Rehearse
Lock it in
Look for Pearls
We have learned quite a bit over the last year from our Conflict Coaching clients. The close bonds between coaches and clients open up reflective dialogue. Here are a few important findings so far:
1:1 time
Just the process of sitting for two one hour sessions with another person, being listened to and treated with kindness has great value. For many clients, taking a break from busy lives, and focusing inward has powerful benefits.
Pick a conflict scene
Our process asks clients to set a goal and then pick a specific scene to review. The concise nature of picking one important conflict scene helps clients and coaches to focus in a targeted way. In two hours no one can change everything, but focusing closely on a well-defined incident has the benefit of helping the client to zoom in on the underlying forces behind the conflict.
Two sessions
The time between sessions provides time for participants to think things through and develop new perspectives. The second session is often the session where clients have revelations about conflicts in their life.
Mutuality
The beginning of the second session is when the coach leads the client to walk in the other person's shoes and to use the concept of mutuality. This tool is new ground for some people. Our coaches are excellent at helping their clients use this tool as a way to understand their own conflict situation.
If you know someone who you think could benefit from CLAMSHELL conflict coaching, please send them our way. Throughout 2020 we are providing the first two sessions free of charge, thanks to a grant from Newman's Own Foundation.
We can all use a assistance in dealing with conflicts--Conflict Coaching can be that helping hand.