40 Days of Resolution at Home | Day 12: Ask an Open-Ended Question

Day 12: Ask an Open-Ended Question

By: Sara Barnes

Open-Ended Questions:

What's the most helpful type of question in conflict resolution? The open-ended type.

Why? Because it cannot be answered with a single word answer, and it opens communication and sharing of ideas.

Here are a few that can be used in almost all situations: 

  • What would you like to see happen?

  • How does that look for you?

  • What would it take for us to be able to move forward? 

  • What ideas do you have that would meet both our needs?

  • What’s the biggest risk of you not making progress?

  • Tell me what you are concerned about?

  • What’s important to you about that?

The issue with "Why" Questions: 

Starting an open-ended question with Why might seem like a great way to increase understanding. 

However, some recent research calls this into question. Particularly in a conflict, it turns out, a person being asked a Why question can hear it as an aggressive challenge. So, try to stick to the four of the five Ws -- What, When, Where and Who, and use Why judiciously. 

Tried and true open-ended questions: 

If you're struggling to concoct an open-ended question in the moment, try to file these examples away as default question starters to begin an open-ended question:

  • I wonder...

  • Help me to understand...

  • Could you expand on...

  • I'm curious about...

  • Or use the ORIGINAL tried and true all-purpose question: Would you tell me more?

Why Open-Ended?

Everyone has a story to tell. When you ask an open-ended question, you're opening up to the whole of the other person. When things are getting a little dicey, ask an open-ended question and listen to what the other person has to say.

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