Day 10: No More Good/Bad Binary
By: Sara Barnes
We've been taught to think of most things in terms of the binary:
Right • Wrong
Wonderful • Despicable
Angelic • Devilish
Acceptable • Unacceptable
Oftentimes, our instinct is to choose a binary side -- calling something good or bad: 'beets are SO good!' or 'no way, I CAN'T STAND collared shirts.'
And having your own opinions is great. But I'm not here to make a point about food and fashion choices.
My point is about inflexible, rigid and hardened judgment, dividing things categorically into good and bad categories.
Conflict and the good/bad binary:
The binary is overly simplistic. Humans are a mix of good, bad and a little in between. And if you find yourself judging; try pushing past the binary.
For example, instead of 'She’s a bad person.' It sounds like: "I was always taught you should pay your debts, but I don't always manage to do everything I was taught, and I've made mistakes before. I'd like to know more about what happened to understand more fully."
Conflict is fueled by the good/bad binary:
If you want to perpetuate conflicts, then stick with the good/bad method. You can be sure to have lots of conflicts that way.
If you'd like to get better at resolving conflicts, consider unlearning the good/bad binary way thinking. Focus on processing information without judgment, with an open mind toward others, and with interest in the complexity and unexpectedness of our fellow humans.
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